Your Life Lesson

Both Subtle and Glaring

In this sample chart, it is obvious at first glance; that everyone in this family is paired up, as far as the ‘Life Lesson’ number is concerned, except for the brother in the red rectangle (21/3) at the bottom. We will get back to him later. Presently however, we will begin with the quester, the member who is eager to understand the ongoing conflicts she is experiencing with her father. Although she is an adult, living a fully independent life, still, there are fundamental issues, which have never been resolved, and she is seeking to understand the source of these conflicts.

The two people we are referring to are of course represented by the blue rectangles in the middle of the chart. Their ‘Life Lesson’ number is 20/2. The obvious answer appears to be that these two people are so much alike, that they are constantly mirroring back to each other their own undesirable traits, thereby causing a simple personality clash. However, since this is their ‘Life Lesson’ number, the implications far exceed such a simple explanation. Although the personality clash can be seen as symptomatic, this number represents what they are actually both struggling to learn throughout this lifetime.

Even though we are attempting to interpret the information gathered from this particular lifetime, the intensity of the situation suggests a carry-over from previous lives. The more refined aspects of this vibration have not yet been fully incorporated. This will happen only as a result of having experienced many trials over the life span. This lesson will keep resurfacing in many ways until the individual accepts full responsibility for having set in motion the need for this type of learning. The need always is to remove from our mind stream the obscurations, which in turn produce their own negative emotions. When this process is seen as an opportunity rather than a burden, the gifts that align us with our spiritual purpose will then be integrated into the character. Thus, being able to grasp the gist of the lesson, the negative emotions can then be transformed through the use of the appropriate antidotes and a more realistic sense of self can be achieved. Nevertheless, what these two people have chosen to help each other to learn is the lesson of Patience, through co-operation and humility.

In order to accomplish this goal, the first effort must be to identify the negative emotions that must be worked through. The number two lesson is especially demanding, as these people tend to have an external locus of control. In other words, they are in the habit of allowing their self-esteem to stand or fall on the basis of other people’s judgments of them. Fear of conflict then becomes the driving force, which causes these individuals to withdraw and escape confrontation, and by so doing undermine their self-confidence. With too much stock invested in other people’s opinions, the need to please to get approval will very often backfire, as this behavior leads to indecisiveness and duplicity. Without a sense of self firmly established, it is easier to blame others for one’s misfortunes, as the environment is deemed the culprit and this attitude results in passive-aggressive behaviors. Thus being unable to trust their own judgment, these individuals will have a tendency for extremes, until they learn the value of being grounded.

In all fairness though, we need to remember that what we have been describing here is in fact the obstacle course that must be successfully completed, to integrate the gifts that patience affords. We must also bear in mind that these patterns are trans-generational. The genealogy becomes the web, which attracts to it all the threads it needs to support the required learning. The child, who develops such a heightened sense of alertness to his/her environment, does so in response to an aggressive and therefore unsafe environment. A child born with such a sensitive and gentle nature would automatically gravitate to a dominant parent, to both learn and teach that bullying under any circumstance is unacceptable. As we look up the family tree, we will find that the same aggressive attitude appears as an ingredient, which is present in the very sap that flows through the many branches, only to be activated when the need appears. Thus, when the karma has ripened, the lesson will serve both parties. The aggressor, who will no longer have the power to bully the transformed victim, and the bullied that by owning the power of his/her vulnerability, can henceforth reap the rewards of authentic patience.

Bursting through the illusion of powerlessness can only be achieved by choosing to cultivate the antidotes of courage, assertiveness, co-operation, calmness and diplomacy. With a strong sense of self, the individual is now free to follow his/her natural tendency towards peacemaking. Passive aggression will no longer be mistaken for patience, and overt aggression confused with strength. Furthermore, it is always pleasant to be in the company of an authentically patient person. The calmness exuded by such a person can quickly change an otherwise tense situation. The ability to anticipate the needs of others, developed early in life for survival, is redirected as a specialized skill for listening. Thus being able to hear the unspoken words, these people become excellent mediators. The indecisiveness, which originally plagued their lives, transforms into productive work that requires the skill of paying attention to details.

As you can see, the ‘Life Lesson’ number is such a perfect example of the power of transformation we have, and also speaks to the impermanence of any situation or state of mind. We began by pointing out that the ‘Life Lesson’ does require a lifetime of learning, through many phases. Its influence will be felt in many situations, as it is a character builder as well as a career indicator. So far we have only examined the template from which we create our individualized experience of this lesson. Each person grappling with this lesson will have his/her unique story, recounting the particular ways in which the lesson showed up for him or her. However, the true litmus test for this lesson is in the ability to dis-identify with the story.